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What Is Parenting Style

Parenting Style is just the term that psychologists and mental health professionals use to coin the overall approach an individual has to being a parent, what strategies they use, and what their approach to being a caregiver is. Part of our understanding of child development comes from observations of children with and without their parents, and one of the main breakthroughs was an understanding that, in general, children could be could into categories based on how they behaved around their parents. When this was studied more, it turned out that how the parents were interacting with their children or their style of parenting was the number one predictor of which category these children would fall into. 

If you are a parent, or even if you are planning to become one, you need to be aware of how important your parenting style is. Every child is different; every child has different needs and different desires, but they all require love. They all require guidance, discipline, and compassion. Providing these things in the right manner in one of the more challenging aspects of being a parent.

This article is going to introduce you to your parenting style and provide you with some tips on how to get the best out of each parenting type.

Why Do Parenting Styles Matter?

Parenting styles can have a big impact on a child's development. Some parenting styles are more authoritarian, which means that the parent tells the child what to do and how to do it. As you can imagine, this will impact a child differently from a more relaxed or warm style of parenting. Other parenting styles are more permissive, which means that the parent allows the child to make their own decisions. Permissive parenting is usually good for children because it allows them to learn from their mistakes. However, it can also lead to children not feeling responsible for their actions. It is important for parents to find a style of parenting that works well for them and their children.

What Parenting Styles Are There?

There are three main parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive. Authoritative parents give clear instructions and expect their children to obey them. They set limits and discipline their children when necessary. Authoritarian parents are more demanding but also provide more structure. Permissive parents allow their children to do what they want, with few limits. Each parenting style has its pros and cons, but it's important to find a style that works well for you and your child.

Which Parenting Style Is The Worst?

Clearly, any parenting style which includes violence, aggression, intimidation or bullying is going to be considered as harmful and probably abusive. This type of parenting is thankfully not often seen these days, although was very normal only a few decades ago. 

While there is no one “right” way to parent, some parenting styles are more harmful than others. However, some popular parenting styles that are often considered to be the worst include helicopter parenting and smothering. Helicopter parenting is when parents become overly involved in their children's lives to the point where they become overbearing and interfere with their children's lives. This type of parenting style can be damaging to a child's development as it removes them from the natural process of growing up. Smothering parenting is when a parent excessively spoils their child and does everything for them, to the point where the child feels like they can't survive without their parents. This parenting style can make a child feel insecure and overwhelmed.

Which Parenting Style is Considered the Ideal Style?

There is no one parenting style that is considered the ideal style, as different families have different preferences and needs. However, many experts believe that a “hands-off” parenting style is the best approach for most children. This means parents should not be hovering over their children all the time, but should instead allow them to explore and learn on their own. Others disagree with this and say that being close to your child is absolutely necessary, especially in the early years, and suggest this is how a secure attachment is formed. 

When looking to change or understand your parenting style, it is important to consider your own personality and how you would like to raise your child. Often parents will reflect on their own childhood and avoid mistakes their own parents made, and repeat the things that they enjoyed or appreciated. Often in my clinical work as a parent expert and family therapist, I see that parents do the opposite of their parents, so if Jim's Dad was emotionally distant and he didn't appreciate this, Jim will be overly close with his children. Being overly close though, can lead to issues in childhood and teenage years, too - so beware of overcompensating. 

- The Lighthouse Parent Style -

In the My People Patterns Parent Quiz, the Lighthouse Parent is probably the most balanced of all parenting styles. They are the sort of parents that has a healthy balance of being supportive and warm, as 'the boss' when necessary. These types of parents are more balanced in their approach, combining warmth when appropriate with 'tough love' when needed.

What Is Koala Parenting?

Koala parenting is a style of parenting that focuses on emotional connection and attachment. Koala parenting or attachment parenting is a term used to describe the parenting style of being very involved in their child's life, sometimes going to extremes such as not putting the newborn infant down. Koalas in Australia are known for keeping their infants 'Joey's in their pouch at all times until they are old enough to be climbing trees on their own. Koala parenting is a unique way of parenting that revolves around close, frequent contact with the child to increase a secure attachment - hence 'attachment parenting'. Unlike traditional parenting methods, koala parents don’t usually provide strict discipline. Instead, they rely on high levels of physical and emotional affection to shape their kids into well-rounded individuals. This type of parenting is also known as enmeshed parenting. Koala parents are fused with their children and hover around them, suffocating them with their constant love and attention. This can be detrimental to children as they may not learn how to cope with adversity or develop independence.

Take The Parenting Style Quiz

Are you a helicopter parent or a free-range parent? Take this quiz to discover your parenting style!

Are you the type of parent who hovers over their you children, monitoring their every move, or do you give them the freedom to explore and make mistakes? Your parenting style says a lot about you as a person, and it can also have a big impact on your children.

Take this quiz to discover your parenting style! You might be surprised by the results.