What Does Emotional Distance In A Marriage or Relationship Look Like?Aug 26, 2022
When Does 'Needing Space' In A Relationship Become Dysfunctional?
Are you one of the 42 % of people who took the Toxic Trait Quiz who had 'Emotional Distance' as their main result? If you've not taken the Toxic Trait Quiz yet, you can find that here
If your results had 'emotional distance' as a top factor, then this video might be worth checking out. Make sure you read to the end of this blog post to find out about our FREE COUPLES ACTIVITY designed to deepen your connection and decrease any emotional distance you might be feeling.
What Is Emotional Distance?
Emotional distancing in a relationship is a feeling of being distant or disconnected from your partner. Feeling some distancing in a relationship to some degree is healthy, but it can turn toxic if taken to an extreme. This drifting apart may not be immediately noticed by either partner, especially if busy with kids, career, or travel. However, when they start recognizing the signs of this emotional distancing, they must quickly work towards reducing this gap. Murray Bowen, one of the founding fathers of Family Systems Therapy talked about cut-off as being one of his eight core principles - emotional distancing leads to and is a form of cut-off.
How Do You Know If There's Emotional Distance?
Emotional distance in a relationship is often an experience or feeling as if we've lost the passion or connection you once had or felt for each other. It can also be experienced as apathy or ambivalence towards your partner. It can make two people feel as if they don’t really have much to say to each other other than the day-to-day updates regarding their general activity.
There's a difference between healthy time apart from someone you're dating or in a relationship with and emotional distance. I would argue that healthy time apart can lead to emotional closeness rather than distance, but that's often hard for some couples I work with to see.
Extreme Emotional Distance
Murray Bowen, one of the founding fathers of Family Systems Therapy, talked about cut-off as one of his eight core principles. In his decades of work with families, he saw that at an extreme end of a spectrum of emotional distancing, we can see people 'cut-off' relationships out of anxiety or tension. At an extreme end, cut-off will lead to break-ups or divorce.
How to Fix Emotional Distance in Marriage
My People Patterns has an activity that you might want to consider using if you want to reconnect with your partner. The ten questions will guide you into a deeper understanding of each other, and should result in some increased feelings of connection. Click here to access it.
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